The Christmas Cabin
by LovingWords
Summary: The Cullens family cabin is a magical place where family and friends gather each year to celebrate. As years pass and the families grow the cabin is the one fixed point that brings them together.
1. Chapter 1

**The Christmas Cabin**

**Chapter 1  
**_**Christmas 1999**_

"Bella," a voice whispered to me "Bella, sweetie, wake up."

I groaned turning from my side and onto my back to see who was gently shaking me out of my sleep. My mother's face came into focus as I sat up rubbing my eyes.

"Mom?" I asked not understanding what was going on.

"Put your boots on and grab your coat," she whispered.

I looked around the darkened room to find my cousin Rosalie and my friends Alice and Angela still fast asleep. It's Christmas Eve and we had been sent to bed long ago because the grown-ups knew we would be getting up super early to open presents.

"Why are you waking me up?" I asked as I was slipping out of bed and into the boots that were next to the night stand.

"Shh, you'll see. I don't want to wake anyone else up. It's just you and me tonight kiddo. Come downstairs when you have your coat on," she told me then left the room.

I quietly grabbed my coat and my toboggan before tip toeing out of the room leaving everyone else to sleep. I'm walking slowly down the hall when the bathroom door opens and Edward steps out in front of me. He jumps back letting out a yelp which makes me jump as well. Once he realizes that it's me he steps back out into the hall way.

"What the heck are you doing up Swan?" He demands. "And why are you wearing your coat? Are you going through that ten-year-old runaway phase?"

I cross my arms and give him my best "whatever" face.

"No, are you going through that eleven-year-old jerk phase?" I say.

He rolls his eyes and is about to say something to me when my mom steps back into the hall way from the stairwell. When she sees that Edward is with me she quickly comes over so she is in front of us.

"Edward, what are you doing up this late?" she asks.

"I had to pee and then when I come out of the bathroom Bella scared the crap out of me," he told her. "What are _you_ ladies doing up this late?"

He crosses his arms over his chest like Carlisle does when we kids get into trouble.

Mom chuckles.

"Well, if you promise not to tell on us then I'll deal you in on the surprise," she smiles at him.

He pauses for a moment, stroking his chin like he is deep in thought before he agrees with a smile.

"Good, now go get some boots and a coat on because we're going outside. Meet Bella and I at the kitchen door, okay?" She says ruffling his hair and pulling me towards the stairs.

I turn and stick my tongue out at him and he pushes his nose up at me while crossing his eyes. He disappears from view as I follow my mom down the stairs and into the kitchen. I'm wide awake now and a little excited about the surprise she has for us.

She pulls me to her chest as we wait on Edward to meet us. I breathe in her scent of warm cookies and peppermint. I never understand how she can smell like Christmas all year round but it is one of my favorite smells in the world.

She gives me a quick kiss before greeting Edward who has just stepped into the kitchen behind me. He has on his coat and a hat that has a ridiculous red fuzzy pom on the top of it.

"You two get to be the first to experience this Christmas miracle," she says as she pulls us towards the door and then opens it stepping out into the night.

We follow behind her and quickly step outside as she closes the door softly behind us. We look up once we are outside and realize it's snowing. We had been at the Cullen's winter cabin for a week now and without there being even a little bit of snow on the ground. It was the strangest weather to happen in this area because every other year that we came here the ground was always blanketed in white.

I turned to Mom to find her smiling at the two of us before motioning us to follow her down the porch steps and into the snow covered lawn.

Edward let out a soft laugh and grabbed my hand pulling us to my mom. We began to dance and spin as the soft flakes floated around us.

It must have been snowing for a while before mom woke me because the snow was already sticking to the trees and the ground was covered. The full moon made the white snow glow and I swear you could see the stares reflect and sparkle on the ground. I couldn't help but fall into the powder and start making a snow angel. Edward quickly joined me our heads were almost touching. My mom laughed at the two of us and fell down next to me. The three of us laughed as we swished our arms and legs while looking up at the night sky.

We stayed outside for a little longer, having just enough time to have a small snow ball fight before my hands and face had gone numb from the cold. I could see that Edward was beginning to shiver as well and his cheeks and nose were red. Mom seeing that we were cold tossed her arm around the two of us and led us back into the house.

All three of us continued to giggle quietly as mom helped us both out of our coats rubbing our hands between hers to try and warm us up.

"How about some secret late night cocoa?" She asked which cause Edward and I to nod our heads greedily.

Mom tucked her dark chestnut hair behind her ears and told us to sit at the kitchen island while she whipped us up our hot drinks.

We did as we were told and sat down still trying to get warmth back into our hands by rubbing them together.

"Here, give me your hands," Edward said grabbing my hands without waiting for a reply.

He put my hands between his and began to rub quickly, warming them up. It was a funny thing. He had been picking on me all week long and making fun of us girls and pulling stupid pranks. He even got into my journal and read it to the boys. I didn't understand why he was being nice to me now.

I stopped him when I felt the warmth return to my hands and said, "Now your turn."

I put his hands between mine and began to rub like how he and my mom had done to my hands. Once his hands no longer felt like ice cubes I stopped and looked at him.

"Better?" I asked.

"Yeah, thanks," he said grinning at me.

I couldn't help but grin back.

"Alrighty, hot cocoa all around," Mom whispered loudly setting two hot mugs in front of us that had marshmallow fluff running down the sides.

Mom sat her mug down in front of her and together we all took a sip humming in satisfaction.

"Thanks mom!" I said.

"Yeah, thanks Mrs. Swan," Edward told her.

Mom laughed and rolled her eyes, "Edward, I've known you since before you were born and changed your diapers when you were a baby, call me Renee okay?"

Edward smiled, "okay."

We sat there quietly sipping our cocoa until the last drop was gone.

Then mom said it was time to catch a few hours of sleep before the rest of the kids woke up for presents. Edward and I hopped off of our stools and began to head out of the kitchen. I stopped before leaving and turned to give mom a hug.

"Thanks for sharing the miracle with me mom, I love you," I told her.

She pulled me into her tightly and kissed my head, "I love you too Bellabug."

After another squeeze from her I headed out of the kitchen passing Edward who whispered a thank you to my mom as well.

Together we went up the stairs and parted ways in the hallway with a small wave.

Once back in the room, that I share with the other girls, I pulled off my boots quietly and tossed my coat onto the floor. I pulled back the covers once again and climbed into bed.

"Where were you?" I heard Rosalie's voice ask sleepily.

"Just had to use the bathroom," I told her.

She must have been satisfied with my answer because I didn't hear anything else from her as I clutched my pillow and drifted back to sleep dreaming of snow flakes and warm cookie smells.

* * *

_Merry Christmas_

_This is just a simple story that was inspired by the season. _

_There may or may not be a lemon later down the road, it really is a Christmas fluff story but we will see where these characters take us. _

_I hope you enjoy and please leave a review to let me know if you think I'm on the right track. _


	2. Chapter 2

**The Christmas Cabin**

**Chapter 2  
**_**Christmas 2000**_

I sat in the overstuffed chaise lounge that was in the spare bedroom at the Cullen's cabin watching snowflakes fall out the window. A copy of _Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban,_ that Aunt Patricia had given me when Dad and I arrived a couple of days ago, lay in my lap. I could hear the boy's laughter through the window as they chased each other with snow balls. It looked like fun but I just wasn't in the mood to join in. It just didn't feel right to laugh or even smile.

I had done my best to keep it together and put on a brave face when my Dad's best friend Carlisle and his wife Esme greeted us when we arrived. They, just like everyone else, had given us sad smiles and extra-long hugs.

It's how everyone acts after your mom dies from breast cancer.

Well, that is, except for Aunt Patricia.

As soon as I was inside the cabin Aunt Patricia had pulled me into her and Uncle Mark's room and handed me a very colorfully wrapped Christmas present. I tried to tell her it wasn't Christmas day yet but she said it was a pre-present before the real presents.

Inside the box were the first three _Harry Potter_ books tied tightly together with Christmas ribbon. Apparently she and Dad had been chatting on the phone the last couple of months and he had mentioned how much I love to read.

Aunt Patricia had been keeping herself busy since we arrived and I could tell she was having just as hard as time dealing with everything as Dad and I were. After Grandma Marie passed away a few years ago she and Mom were the only ones left on their side of the family. I never knew Grandpa Jack because he died when I was just a baby.

I guess everyone has their own way of dealing with this kind of stuff. Dad goes fishing a lot or sits out on the patio just staring out at the lake while I hide here in the spare bedroom, not interacting with the others. In years past, Mom used to come in this room to enjoy some quiet time away from us kids. She would always have her cup of coffee on the table next to the chair and would be curled up under the quilt with a book. Every once in a while I would sneak in here with her and we'd lounge around for an hour or two. I can understand why she liked it so much. The room is quiet and is on the far end of the house, it's only used when there were extra guests besides the main group.

I sigh and lean my head back against the chair thinking about the fight Dad and I got into last week when he tried to tell me we weren't going to spend Christmas here at the Cullen's cabin. I cried and told him that it wasn't fair that they were like our family and that they were all we had left. After a couple hours of silence he came into my room where I laid quietly sobbing into my pillow and told me we would be coming to the cabin after all.

It was selfish, I know, but this is where Mom was at her best and being in this cabin makes me feel like she is here, which is probably why dad didn't want to come back this year.

My last good memory with Mom was here, before we found out about the cancer.

Shortly after going home last year Mom went to the doctor for her yearly check-up and came home saying Dad needed to come with her to her next appointment. I remember being able to tell something was going on but they never clued me in until the end of January. Mom used doctor language like Metastatic and chemotherapy, and I recognized chemotherapy but only knew that it made people go bald.

Both Mom and Dad reassured me that everything would be just fine and that I shouldn't be scared.

I believed them but now I know just how wrong they were.

"Hey," Rosalie says from the doorway, bringing me out of my thoughts. Rose is my cousin, Aunt Patricia's daughter, she has a twin, Jasper, but they only look a little bit alike. She and Jasper are two years older than I am but we grew up together more like siblings since they live in Port Angeles, which is only an hour away from where Dad and I live.

"Hey," I say sitting up to make room as she walks across the room and sits beside me.

I set my book on the table next to the chair and wait. She doesn't say anything but instead just scoots closer and lays her head on my shoulder.

"I don't think I ever told you that I'm sorry about Renee," she tells me.

It's true. We have barely been able to talk since the funeral back in October and even then things were kind of crazy. There just wasn't time to sit down and have a one on one with your cousin.

"That's okay, it's been kind of rough," I tell her.

"Yeah, I know," she says.

We are quiet for a moment before she tells me she thinks her Mom has gone loopy.

"What makes you say that?" I ask pulling away to see her face.

Her blonde hair has darkened to a honey brown since the summer but her eyes are still the same shade of brown just like her moms, and just like mine.

"Well, she started organizing the kitchen earlier today and is rearranging all of the draws. Heads up the silverware is now in the drawer next to the fridge and the junk drawer is now where the silverware used to be," she says with a laugh.

I let out a chuckle but stop short feeling guilty for laughing.

Rose sighs and puts her hand on mine.

"It's not a crime to laugh you know," she says.

"I know," I tell her, "It's just I feel bad when I do. Like I feel guilty."

"Why? You know Renee loved to laugh more than any of us, she would want to see you laugh a little," she says as she begins to tickle my ribs where she knows I'm most ticklish.

I squeal and cry out for her to stop but she continues until I'm laughing so hard I think I'm going to pass out. Somehow I ended up on the floor next to the chair and I am still laughing as she flops on her belly laughing along with me. I continue to laugh until my sides hurt and my emotions get the better of me and the laughing turns into hysterical sobs. Rosalie's smile quickly fades and she hops off of the chair sitting next to me and pulls me into her chest.

I can't control the tears or the loud sobs escaping from my chest. Rose continues to hold me and rock back and forth trying to comfort me. I can tell she is crying along with me.

Coming here was a bad idea, I think to myself as I let Rose continue to sooth me.

A little while later we are able to separate and wipe away each other's tears. She stands and reassures me that everything will be okay and tells me she is going to go hang out with Alice and Angela and that I should join them.

I just nod my head as she leaves the room.

Slowly I stand up and wipe my face once more.

I look out the window and watch the snowflakes for a moment, trying to find a calm place inside myself.

I take a deep breath and let it out before heading out the door and towards the room that all of us girls share.

When I enter the room I see all three girls piled on Alice's bed on the far side of the room. Alice is brushing make-up onto her sister Angela's cheeks while Rosalie is lounging against the headboard with a _Seventeen_ magazine. Alice is the first to see me and smiles telling Angela to move over to make room for me. Angela happily scoots over for me. Rose seems to pay no mind to me and continues to flip through her magazine but I do notice a smirk on her face.

I suddenly remember last Christmas and how our moms took us shopping on Christmas Eve, which was just crazy to begin with because of all the people out and about. Of course, The Moms, as we so lovingly call them, consisted of my mom, Rosalie and Jasper's mom Patricia, Lori who is Alice and Angela's mom, and Esme who is the mom of the two holy terrors Emmett and Edward. Now it is just Patricia, Lori, and Esme. Last Christmas, however, The Moms piled all of us girls into Esme's Lincoln Navigator and headed into town saying we needed to get away from all the men. There was a small boutique in town that was open late and had some cute stuff that we spent the next couple of hours trying on and modeling them for each other. It was a blast. Especially when the mom's put on a fashion show for us girls and we held up fingers to rate their "outfits", if you could call them that.

"What are you smiling about?" Angela asks me.

I blush being caught in the moment, "oh, I was just thinking about our shopping trip last Christmas."

"Oh that was so much fun!" Alice says a little too loudly.

"Yeah, that was a pretty fun afternoon. I think we thoroughly pissed off the store lady trying on all of those clothes," Rosalie says laughing.

"Ha, do you remember mom rocking the pink feather boa and leather pants?" Alice cackled with delight.

"Oh, how mortifying," Angela says as she covers her face trying to hide her smile.

Alice quickly tells her to not touch her face because she wasn't done just yet with her make-up.

I smile again, this time allowing myself to enjoy the memory.

"There! What do you think Angie?" Alice says holding up a mirror for Angela to look at.

"Oh! I love the colors!" Angela says admiring Alice's handiwork. "You're always so good at this stuff Ally."

"Thanks," she says then turning to me she asks, "want me to do yours next?"

I shake my head, "no thanks."

"One day you're going to grow out of your tom-boy phase and then you'll be begging me to do your make-up, or well that is what Mom says anyways," she says smiling at me. Alice has always been the bubbly one out of all of us. Nothing seems to get her down. The only time I saw her quiet and sad was at my Mom's funeral but even when we went back to my house later that day just her presence made me feel better. It is like she radiates sunshine when she smiles. I have always secretly been jealous of the same smile that she and her sister share.

Angela, unlike Alice, was typically quiet around everyone outside of close friends and our little group. She was much more cautious when it came to making friends and thought things through a little bit more unlike her sister who just dived in head first.

Rosalie was the oldest of the group then next was Alice and I followed her and Angela was the baby. Sometimes Angela was more mature than all of us but she was still a lot of fun to be around.

"Maybe just some lip gloss," I tell Alice all of a sudden.

Alice, Angela, and Rose stop and look at me. Their smirks are quickly growing into full blown Cheshire cat smiles.

"Just lip gloss and that's it," I say pointing at Alice who nods eagerly.

She starts to rummage through her giant make-up bag pulling out every shade of lip gloss ever created.

"Okay, how about a midnight cowboy or a love junkie?" Alice says holding up two contrasting shades of lip gloss.

I point to the less offensive one.

"Midnight cowboy it is," she says tossing the other one back in the bag.

She untwists the cap and leans forward to dab a little here and there on my lips. It feels a little sticky and I'm not used to it.

My Mom always tried to get me to wear a little bit of make-up whenever I would sit on the bathroom sink watching her fix her face up but I just stuck with my cherry chap stick. Charlie would always laugh and tell her to leave his little tom-boy alone until I was ready, there would be plenty of time for that girly stuff later.

Thinking of my Mom drops my mood a little until Emmett, Jasper, and Edward come tumbling into the bedroom distracting me from my thoughts. Alice, Angela, and Rosalie yell at them to get out that it's a girl's only room.

"Aw come on! It's perfect outside and we want to play capture the flag!" Emmett says.

"Yeah, you girls have been inside all day, you have to be bored, come play with us," Edward says.

"Rosie, please?" Jasper says giving his sister his best pouty face.

Rosalie just rolls her eyes. "You know that doesn't work on me Jazzie."

"I know, I just thought I'd try. I just wanted to spend some quality time with my favorite sister in the whole wide world," Jasper says continuing to pout.

Soon all three boys are giving us the pouty face causing us to laugh.

"All right, all right, come on girls lets go," I say standing up first surprising myself and everyone else. It's the first time since I got here that I'm actually joining in.

"Bella's on my team!" Edward shouts raising his hand.

The other boys groan.

"That's not fair. We have to do inky dinky donkey!" The other boys say talking over each other.

Last year Edward and I were on the same team with Alice and Rosalie and we pretty much carried the team to a victory, three times.

The girls joined in the argument as we all headed downstairs to the mud room where all of our winter coats were hanging. We passed the parents in the living room and Dad gave me a small smile as I waved and followed everyone else to the back.

"See, I told you it would work itself out," I heard Esme tell Charlie as we left the room.

The rest of the afternoon was spent playing capture the flag and attempting to build an igloo, which we completely sucked at. Once the sun started to go down the temperature dropped fast and we all quickly went inside to get warm again.

"Hey! Take your shoes off mister!" Esme raised her voice at Emmett, who was about to truck through the kitchen in his snow boots. He gave a shy grin and backed up into the mud room again.

We all deposited our coats and shoes and then us girls went upstairs to put on our winter pajamas. The best things about the cabin were the fire places. We headed back downstairs where Michael and Lori, Aunt Patty and Mark, Dad, Carlisle and Esme were. Edward was sitting next to his mom while Jasper and Emmett poked at the fire in the fireplace.

"Hey, Dad can we make some s'mores?" Jasper asked Uncle Mark.

All of us kids quickly agree nicely asking Uncle Mark, who laughs and nods saying he'll get the stuff. He makes his way into the kitchen and soon returns with a bag of large marshmallows, mini Hershey bars, and a box of graham crackers.

Soon we are all lounging back watching _A Christmas Story,_ finishing off our s'mores and just enjoying the warmth.

It dawns on me that I haven't thought about Mom's death since early this afternoon. I look over at Dad to find him watching me. I give him a small smile and he returns the favor with a wink.

It still hurts and I still miss Mom a lot but being here in this cabin makes me feel like she is still here with me and that makes me think that everything is going to be okay.

Coming here to the cabin was a good idea after all.

* * *

_Hello again,_

_I just wanted to say thank you for your reviews and favoriting/following this story._

_As the story goes along the chapters will get much longer and fluffier, I promise. _

_Special thank you to Becky for beta'ing these chapters... she is frickin' awesome!_

_Hope you enjoy this one and the next one will be here shortly. _

_I'm not going to set up a schedule just yet on when chapters will be rolling out, mainly because I just don't know._

_Thanks again for reading! Don't forget to review so I know if i'm doing good or completely crashing and burning._


	3. Chapter 3

**The Christmas Cabin**

**Chapter 3  
**_**Christmas 2002**_

Dad drives slowly down the gravel road that curves through the tall fir trees as we head toward the cabin. The driveway is already covered in snow and the sky promises more tonight. The cabin comes into view as we make our way around the final curve. My heart begins to beat a little faster with the familiar excitement of seeing my friends. We are obviously the last to arrive and after spending last Christmas in Phoenix with Grandma Sarah, Dad's mom, I'm anxious to see the girls. While we keep in touch throughout the year, spend time together during the summer, and saw each other at Thanksgiving there are some things you just have to discuss in person.

As we pull up, the cabin is just as I remembered, tucked perfectly into the trees and covered in snow. Evening is just beginning to set in and the lights from the inside give off a welcoming glow. I feel at home here.

"Now, Bella, before we go inside I think I should talk to you about something," Dad says as we come to a stop just before we get to the cabin.

"Sure Dad, what's up?" I say turning to give him my full attention.

Dad is still facing forward, his hands at ten and two, and he seems to be nervous all of a sudden. This, of course, makes me fidget as I try to figure out what has him so nervous.

"Uh, Dad? Is everything okay?" I ask.

"Yeah, kiddo, it's fine. I just, I'm having a hard time saying this," he explains.

Is he sweating? I think to myself. Yeah, he is definitely sweating.

"I told Esme about what happened last month," he says in a quick breath, obviously embarrassed.

"Dad!" I shout at him absolutely humiliated. "Please tell me that you are joking?"

He just shakes his head indicating that he, in fact, is telling me the truth.

I sink down into my seat hoping that it will open up a vortex and suck me into a black abyss.

"Why would you tell her that? You know she is going to tell Lori, then they are going to tell Aunt Patricia and they are all going to make a big deal about it," I say continuing to vent my frustrations.

"Well, it is a big deal, Bella." He finally turns to face me but is having a difficult time looking me in the eye. "I promised your mother that I would let Esme know when this happened so that she could guide you through this phase in your life."

I didn't think my face could flush a darker shade of red than it already was but I was positive that with this conversation I was setting a record for myself and my embarrassment.

"I get how things work Dad, I can handle this on my own," I try to tell him but he just shakes his head.

"I didn't want to break a promise to your Mom I know it is awkward for you but they can answer questions and help you with things that, lord knows, I can't," he says.

I slink even down further down in my seat and remain silent until Dad sighs and proceeds forward to the cabin where I can already see Grandma and Grandpa Cullen, Carlisle, Esme, Michael, Lori, and the others coming outside to greet us.

Just thinking about them knowing what was happening to my body makes me want to cry from embarrassment.

As I climbed out of the car I was immediately engulfed in a hug by Lori who gave me a knowing smile along with Esme who stood behind her waiting to embrace me. Despite being mortified, their affection reminded me of Mom which made me feel a little better as if she were here.

Aunt Patricia as well as Uncle Mark trotted over to me to get a hug. The girls, who were waiting for the adults to be done with their greetings, squealed and surrounded me in a large group hug next. I wrapped my arms around the three of them the best I could and we all squeezed.

"Oh, I'm so glad you're here Bella! We missed you last year!" Angela says to me.

"You just saw me a month ago for Thanksgiving, Angela," I laugh.

"Oh you know what I mean," She says and I do know what she means.

The cabin is our special place where the world stops and it is just us. We were finally home as we entered the cabin with our luggage in tow, everyone chatting and talking over one another. The boys stood just inside the cabin and quickly shook hands with Dad as we made our way inside.

"Good grief Emmett, what happened to you," Dad says to Emmett who is now as tall as Dad.

"Mom has been making me eat more spinach," Emmett jokes.

I notice that Jasper and Edward also look much taller than the last time that I saw them. Jasper has filled out a lot more and is no longer the skinny bean pole we once knew. Edward is catching up to Emmett quickly in height and is filling out as well. I can't help but stare at him a little longer than I should but there is just something different about him. I don't know what it though. I quickly laugh the thoughts away and continue to follow the girls past the kitchen. I guess we were all entering the puberty phase in our lives. Thinking of puberty of course brings a new flush of red to my cheeks.

After the girls helped me bring in my stuff from the car and dump it in the room, we came back down to join everyone in the living room. I immediately went over to Grandma Cullen to hug her.

"Oh, Bellabug, how are you my dear," she says kissing both of my cheeks.

Her hands are soft and she smells just the same as she always has, roses. The wrinkles around her eyes deepen as she smiles at me.

"I'm doing good Grandma, how are you doing?" I say sitting on the floor next to her chair.

She isn't really my Grandma but I've known her all of my life and even Dad calls her Mom. When Dad was younger his Mom left him with his Dad who wasn't very good to him. I don't know the details but I know Dad lived with the Cullens for a couple years and when he was back at home with his Dad he ended up spending the majority of his time with the Cullens anyways. Carlisle and Michael were more like brothers to him than best friends.

"I'm doing pretty well but this old man over here keeps pestering me," she says eyeing Grandpa Cullen.

"Grandpa! You better leave her alone or you'll be crashing on the couch tonight," I say to him.

He chuckles.

"Just ignore her, I haven't pestered her in years," he says leaning over to kiss Grandma Cullen's cheek.

That right there is the kind of love I want one day. I think to myself. It is the same love my mom and dad shared, and the same love I see in the grown-ups surrounding me.

I laugh and lean back against Grandma Cullen's legs as I watch the other family members move in and out of the room. The boys are heading up the stairs talking about their latest video game _Splinter Cell_ that Jasper had just bought. I'll have to ask Jasper later if he'll let me play. Carlisle, Michael, Dad, and Mark are over at the breakfast table with coffee mugs already filled and laughing about something Uncle Mark has said. Esme and Patricia are talking quietly at the kitchen island while Lori is talking to Alice, Angela, and Rose in the kitchen as well.

"It's good to have all the family here," I hear Grandpa Cullen say.

I smile and turn to see him gently pick up Grandma Cullen's hand and caress it.

She smiles at him and nods, "it sure is."

I watch them watching the family, a peaceful smile on both of their faces.

When I turn back to face the open living room the girls are gone from the kitchen and Aunt Patricia is walking over to us.

"Grandma Claire, we're going to have a girls night tonight and head over to the Columbia Cliff Villas near town to stay the night. Would you like to join us?" Aunt Patricia asks.

"Oh sweetie that is very kind of you but I just don't think I can keep up with you young ladies anymore, I think I'll stay home tonight but you girls have fun," she tells her.

Aunt Patricia smiles and nods then sticks out her hand to help me off the ground.

"We are going to have a very fun and special night tonight," she tells me as I stand.

"Do I need to ask Dad?"

"Nope, he already knows, so go grab an overnight bag from upstairs and we'll be leaving shortly," she tells me.

"But we just got here," I say.

She laughs, "I know but the boys are going to go snowboarding early tomorrow and since they have already been driving Grandma Claire and Walter crazy so we're going to try to give them some quiet time."

"Okay," I say, suddenly very excited to be with just the girls tonight as I head up the stairs to my room.

When I open the door the girls are already stuffing make-up and pajamas into their overnight bags while chatting animatingly.

"Seriously though Justin Timberlake is the hottest," Alice exclaims.

"Sorry, I just don't see it, I'm going with Joel Madden," Angela says.

"The guy from _Good Charlotte_?" Alice asks.

"Oh yeah," Angela smiles.

"Ew, not big on the Emo look," Alice replies.

"Well, you're both wrong, have you seen Leonardo DiCaprio? _Gangs of New York_ did it for me, he is the ultimate hottie," Rosalie says.

I laugh as I grab the spare overnight bag I keep stored in the closet for when we go to the ski resort near Hood River.

"Bella, which celeb hottie do you have a crush on?" Rosalie asks as I begin to fill my bag up with stuff for the night.

"Oh that is so easy, Orlando Bloom. He is so hot," I say.

All the girls let out a hum in reply.

"Okay, as nerdy as _Lord of the Rings_ is, I'll have to agree that he is pretty smokin'." Rose says.

"Why thank you Rosalie, you're not so bad yourself," Emmett says while casually leaning against the door frame.

Not only has Emmett grown in height but it is obvious the football team has packed on the muscle. I don't think we can call him Emmy Bear any longer, perhaps just Bear. Big, giant, intimidating Bear.

Rose just rolls her eyes, "oh, please."

"There is no need to beg," Emmett laughs.

The glare Rosalie gives Emmett even scares me a little.

Apparently his confidence has gotten out of control as well. I think to myself with a chuckle.

"Whoa, okay, down kitty," he says holding up his hands in surrender.

"What do you want Emmett?" Alice says crossing her arms over her chest.

"Just wanted to come congratulate Bella on finally becoming a woman," Emmett says with an evil grin.

My mouth drops open before my eyes fall to the floor and my entire body turns the shade of a tomato. I thought I was humiliated in the car with Dad but having Emmett know about Mother Nature leaving her evil gift of womanhood for me last month is beyond unbearable.

"What?!" Alice and Angela scream at the same time. Their mouths open from shock as they turn to stare at me.

I've always told them everything and I had planned to tell them about this while I was on this trip. As I said before, some things you just had to tell in person. I don't know why but I suddenly felt the need to cry and before I could do anything about it my hormones got the better of me and the tears began to roll.

I hate my body so much right now, I think to myself.

"Emmett!" Rosalie yells.

I look up to see Rose charging him, his face now suddenly fearful either because he made me cry or because Rose looks like she means business. When Rosalie reaches him she gives him a very strong shove and slap across the face. We all gasp as he grasps his cheek obviously shocked by her reaction.

"Damn it Rose what the hell is your problem, I was just teasing her," he says.

"This is not something to tease her about Emmett, that was an asshole thing to say to her," Rose says poking him in the chest for emphasis.

"She is obviously upset and I swear to God, Emmett, if you so much as look at her funny on this vacation I'll castrate you," she says with more ferocity than the mama bears on the Discovery Channel.

Emmett, still holding his cheek, just stands there glaring at Rose before he slowly backs away. Rose doesn't even give him a second glance as she slams the door shut.

"Why are the cute ones always the assholes?" Rose says with a huff as she continues to pack her duffle bag.

"Bella, why didn't you tell us?" Alice asks coming over to comfort me.

I sniff and wipe my stupid tears, "I planned on telling you here at the cabin. It only happened last month."

"Why didn't you say anything at Thanksgiving?" Angela says standing at her sister's side.

"It was after Thanksgiving," I explain.

They are silent for a moment.

"Is that why we're having a girls night tonight?" Angela says.

"Not necessarily. We wanted to have one regardless but we did want to do some special stuff for Bella tonight," Rose says.

I look at her in shock, "you knew?"

She just rolls her eyes, "Oh please, like my Mom can keep a secret, especially this one."

"Why didn't you say anything?" I ask.

"It's a very personal thing Bella, you would tell us when you were ready to," Rose says.

I nod in understanding.

Rosalie being the eldest has always led the way into the mystic world of womanhood and answered any questions that we might have had. She is the reason I knew what to get at the store when it happened. Like I was going to let Dad pick that stuff up for me. I could see that story on the front page of the _Peninsula Daily News_ with a picture of dear old Dad in his Chief of Police uniform caring a large pack of Always Maxi Pads with wings. Yeah, right.

"Oh this is going to be so much fun!" Alice squeals.

"Fun for you, this whole thing sucks, not to mention it is just plain gross," I grumble.

Rose and Alice both laugh.

"This is so not fair, why hasn't it happen to me yet?" Angela asks.

"You're probably going to be a late bloomer like me Angie, it will happen when it's supposed to," Alice says throwing a comforting arm around her sister.

"Yeah, and don't get too excited, it's not exactly a happy thing," I say to Angela.

Rosalie laughs, "It has its sucky moments but it just means we are growing up, which is pretty cool. Not to mention my Dad pretty much does whatever I want him to during that special time."

We all laugh as Rose goes on to explain that her Dad went to Sam's to buy her a year supply of girl stuff just so he'd only have to go once.

"Couldn't your mom have gone for you?" Angela asks.

"Where's the fun in that?" Rosalie smirks.

We begin to roll with laughter again.

There is a quick knock at the door before Esme pokes her head inside the room smiling brightly at us.

"Almost ready girls?" she asks.

"Yep, on our way down," Alice chirps as she zips up her bag, which is really much too large for a one night stay.

The rest of us quickly finish up and follow Esme downstairs.

Emmett is over on the couch completely avoiding all eye contact and his cheek still showing a touch of red where Rosalie had slapped him. Rosalie quietly moves past Esme without looking in the boys' direction while Jasper and Edward are in front of the flat screen playing on the Xbox, completely unaware that we are even in the room.

"Goodbye boys, be good and listen to your father," Esme says while going over to kiss Emmett and Edward on the head.

"Yeah, later Mom," Edward says keeping his eyes on the screen.

"Jasper, be sure to keep them in line will you?" Esme says making a final plea before we head towards the door.

Jasper just smiles and promises he will.

As I'm about to enter the kitchen Emmett's voice stops me. I turn to face him, not really looking him in the eye. He tugs on my arm and pulls me to the part of the living room where no one really is.

"Hey, look, I didn't know it was that big of a deal or that it would make you upset. I was honestly just teasing," Emmett explains.

"Yeah, it's okay Em. Seriously, I'm fine," I say to him.

He lets out a sigh of relief. "Thanks. You know me, always putting my foot in my mouth. I really am sorry Bells."

I just smile at him and tell him it really is okay. We give each other a quick sibling like hug before he goes over to tell Edward it's his turn to play. I roll my eyes at how quickly Emmett bounced out of his mood and head towards the back door again.

All the Dads as well as Grandpa and Grandma Cullen have piled into the kitchen and are preparing some small paper bag meals for tomorrows snowboarding trip.

I walk over to where Dad is standing and give him a hug, "see ya later pops."

He laughs and hugs me a little tighter, "later squirt."

I let go and wave at everyone else as I follow the girls out the door and into Esme's Lincoln Navigator where Aunt Patricia, Rose, and Lori are already waiting.

"Woohoo! Girls Night!" Aunt Patricia screams while raising her hands in the air. I'm trying to decide if she is dancing or mimicking a gorilla mating dance.

"Mom!" Angela and Alice yell at the same time in embarrassment.

Everyone is finally in and Esme starts up the car.

"Off we go!" she says as she backs out of the driveway.

A little more than an hour later we pull up to the Columbia Cliff Villas. Esme runs into the main office and is back in the car in less than five minutes. We pull around the villas and pull into a parking spot. The girls and I talk excitedly as we grab our bags from the car and follow Lori and Esme up the stairs with Aunt Patricia in tow. Lori opens the door with a flourish and we all squeal with delight as we make our grand entrance into the rather large living room. Windows are everywhere giving us a perfect view of the Hood River. Through the living room, the dining area has a glass door that leads to a spacious balcony outside. I note the awesome kitchen to my left and the giant TV waiting in the living room.

Sometimes I forget that Esme and Lori have money, well a lot of it anyways. Aunt Patricia actually does really well for herself with her small fashion boutique in Port Angeles and is planning on expanding to Seattle but Esme and Lori come from money, as in family money. They both still work as partners together at their interior design business in Seattle, E.L. Designs, even though they don't have to. They have always been normal to me, except for on rare occasions such as this where they can go a little overboard.

"Oh wow Mom! This is great!" Alice says as she makes herself right at home dumping her bag next to the couch before falling dramatically into the cushions.

"Yeah, we all thought it would be nice to splurge this time around," Lori says.

Aunt Patricia shuts the door behind her with a big smile on her face.

"Wait until you see the rooms!" she says.

All of us girls make a mad dash for the hallway on the right to get to the rooms. I hear Esme yell that there are three rooms as we are laughing and falling into each room to see what they each look like. Each is designed differently but all three have a comforting home vibe to them.

The four of us push our way into the master bedroom and fall onto the king size bed inside.

"Heaven, I'm in heaven," Rosalie says.

The three Moms giggle at us from the doorway and tell us to head back to the living room because we still need to unload the goodies and stuff for the night. We do as we are told and go help finish unloading the car and make our way back inside to the living room where Lori and Aunt Patricia are pulling things out of bags while Esme is putting the groceries in the fridge.

"Alright, I think this is how it is going to work," Esme says as she joins us in the living room area. "Lori, Patricia, and I will each get a room. You girls can share the pull out on the couch if you'd like or when you're ready to go to bed you can crash with any of the three of us."

Alice, Rose, Angela, and I look at each other at the same time.

"We'll crash in here," we say together.

"That's what I thought," Esme says taking a seat next to Aunt Patricia on the couch.

"What is all this stuff?" I say peeking into the bags they brought in.

"Oh a little bit of this and a little bit of that," Lori says pulling out a few bags of chocolate while Esme and Aunt Patricia pull out make-up and nail stuff.

"This is so awesome!" Alice squeals immediately going for the make-up.

I scoot closer to Angela in hopes to see what all is being pulled out and then I see them. Pads. Maxi Pads. Panty liners. Tampons. The works.

Dear God, help me.

Esme suddenly produces cups and a giant bottle of ginger ale out of nowhere and starts to pour.

"So tonight is a girls only night to celebrate Christmas together and also to celebrate Bella. You're entering a very special time in your life and it is embarrassing, it is crazy, it is hormonal, and confusing but I swear it will be the best years of your life." Esme says holding out a cup for me to take.

She gives me a wink and with a full blush on my cheeks I take the drink as others are handed theirs as well.

"To womanhood," Esme says holding up her glass, "it is a pain and a privilege to be a part of."

We smile raising our glasses to hers.

"But we make it look damn good," Aunt Patricia says with a hearty laugh as she leans over and gives Rose a kiss on the head. We all giggle and sip our drinks.

Setting down our glasses I see Esme nodding to Aunt Patricia who nods back and reaches once again into one of the bags and takes out a wrinkled envelope.

"We didn't know if we should end with this or begin with it but after Lori, Esme, and I talked we knew it would be the best thing to give it to you right away," Aunt Patricia says with a smile and hands me the envelope.

"Oh, what is it! Open it!" Alice says practically bouncing out of her seat.

I carefully examine the handwriting on the front in which my name is written and realize who this is from and I'm not sure if I can open it. I hold it for a moment before looking up at my Aunt.

"It's from your mother," she tells me.

The room gets very quiet and I nod to let her know I already figured that out.

"You don't have to open it now sweetie, maybe this was a bad time," Lori says.

"No, it's okay," I say as I turn the envelope over and begin to break the seal.

I quickly unfold the letter and begin to read aloud:

"_My Dear Sweet Bellabug,_

_I'm so sorry that I'm not there for you during this special time in your life. I'm afraid there are many things that I will be missing out on in person but I promise I'm always there. I've given this letter to your Aunt Patricia to give to you when you enter womanhood, so if you're reading this I guess Mother Nature has sent her gift. And knowing my Bellabug you're thinking, gift? This is one sucky gift."_

I can't help but laugh because even if she is gone she still knows me so well. I look up to see that while everyone is smiling along with me they all have tears in their eyes. I look back to the letter and begin once again:

"_And you would be right. It is kind of a sucky gift with all the cravings and mood swings, can't tell you how many times your Dad went on a 'weekend fishing trip' because of my craziness. Not to mention the bloating, and the cramps! Oh how those suck terribly! So in retrospect it does suck but then again without this 'gift' I wouldn't have you. I'm not going to explain the birds and the bees to you in a letter because it is just as awkward for you as it is for me. I'll leave that to your three Aunts who love you so much and those three beautiful girls whom you are so lucky to call friends. The pain of not being there for you is lessened knowing that they will be there for you when I cannot._

_I can however tell you to follow your heart. In the upcoming years things will begin to change. I promise you that my little tom-boy will blossom into a woman and there will be boys you start to notice and since you have my good looks they'll start to notice too (*wink*). All I ask is that you walk cautiously and follow your heart. You have such a big heart that is willing to love so easily and never think that that is a bad thing. My dear sweet Bellabug, listen to your heart and use the knowledge that you were born with and that special someone will come into your life. It may be years from now or you may already have met him, but none-the-less follow your heart and it will guide you where you need to go. _

_I wish there was more paper to write on but I can't seem to find any more around the office. I'll have to have your Dad go get some the next time he is out but just know there are not enough sheets of paper in the world to tell you just how much I love you and just how special you are. _

_Tell the girls I love them and give extra hugs to Esme, Lori, and my sweet sister Patricia for me._

_I love you._

_Mom."_

My voice is cracking by the end of the letter and tears are flowing. Of course, mom would leave me a letter. She was just that type of romantic dreamer who loved doing stuff like this.

I hug the letter to my chest as Patricia puts her arms around me and pulls me into her. The only sounds in the room are of us girls sniffling.

"Well," Esme says wiping her tears and nose with a Kleenex, "I think we should move on to the final surprise of the night before we get doped up on caffeine and chocolate."

Lori begins to pull out tiny boxes that are wrapped in Christmas paper and hands them out to each of us including Esme and Aunt Patricia. Esme and Patricia seem to already know what is inside of theirs but wait anxiously for us to open ours first.

"I know it's not Christmas yet but we wanted to give them to you tonight," Lori explains.

Once we get the okay from the Moms we begin to tear away the paper to reveal a small coral box and inside of that a small flannel pouch. I tip the pouch to let the contents fall out and find a sterling silver necklace dangling from my fingers and on it hang a small snowflake with an even smaller pinecone and winter blue bead attached.

"It's so beautiful," I say at the same time Alice and Angela squeal quickly putting theirs on. Rosalie is smiling as well as she lifts her hair to have her mom put it on her.

Esme and Lori already have theirs on and I begin to unclasp the necklace to place it around my neck as well.

"It's just a little something to represent Renee so that we always have her close to our hearts," Lori says.

"Thank you so much!" Angela says giving Esme, Lori, and Aunt Patricia a hug.

"Thank you, it's so sweet," Rose says following suit.

Alice quickly says thank you as well and gives a very energetic hug and kiss to each of them.

I can't say anything at the moment but I know I want to.

Suddenly, as I sit there looking at these women, I feel warmth growing inside letting me know exactly what to say.

They each look at me expectantly and I look back at them with a smile.

"My mom was awesome," I say. "She still is but since she can't be here in person I know I have the best people to surround me and my Dad. It's hard, but like my mom said, having you here makes it a lot less painful. I love you all, and thanks."

Thanks to Mother Nature we are all blubbering messes again as I give them all a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

Aunt Patricia quickly wipes away her tears and demands that we eat extra chocolate for Renee. We can't help but laugh and dig in to the bag of chocolate they brought.

The rest of the night is full of make-overs and fixing each other's nails while _Breakfast at Tiffany's_ plays in the background. We laugh about memories with Renee and the crazy things she did with each of us. Soon Esme, Lori, and Patricia say goodnight and head off to bed leaving us girls to fix up the couches.

"We'll have to do this again," Rosalie says as she helps me unfold the couch into a bed.

"Yeah, we can help Angela celebrate," I say to Angela who smiles brightly in reply.

"Definitely," she replies.

We turn off the lights and Rosalie and Alice climb into the larger couch bed while Angela and I share the smaller one.

"Tonight was a good night," Alice says now that we are all tucked in.

We all hum in agreement.

It is silent for a moment before Alice sits up, "Rosalie did you call Emmett cute earlier?"

I can't help but laugh at her randomness.

"What?" Rose says in reply sitting up as well.

"Earlier at the cabin after he was a royal d-bag to Bella," Alice went one.

Angela and I sat up to hear Rose's response.

"No, I didn't," Rose says though her tone says otherwise.

"Yes, you did. You said, 'why are all the cute ones assholes,'" Alice says.

"I don't remember," Rose replies lying back down on the bed.

"I think I remember you saying that also Rosie," Angela says now joining in on the teasing.

I do vaguely remember her saying that also but I was pretty mortified at the time so I can't be positive.

Rose sits up back with a huff, "okay fine, I said he was cute. There happy?"

Once again she throws herself down on the bed as if to say the conversation is over.

Alice makes a gagging noise, "ew, he's my cousin!"

"Well, he's not mine," Rose says and I can tell she is smirking.

We all giggle and lay back down in bed.

Soon the room is quiet again and only the soft breathes from each girl is heard. I lay in bed staring sleepily at the ceiling thinking of mom and the letter she wrote to me. For a moment, just before sleep wins and over takes my body I swear I can feel her there with me, brushing my hair and telling me that she loves me.

* * *

_I just want to say a quick Thank You to all of you who are reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it and I hope you are enjoying the story so far. The chapters will be much longer from here on out compared to the first two chapters. If you're wondering where is the E/B action, it is coming soon, patience my young Padawan. _

_Special thank you to beta magic worker Becky, aka gypsy411. She is pretty awesome :)_

_Next chapter is already underway. Stay tuned!_

_Crap. I forgot something.  
I have created a Tumblr for this story, well for my FFn profile anways. It has lots of posts already for this story that I thought you might like to see.  
Check it out at lovelywordsfiction, tumblr  
I'm assuming you know how the whole URL thing works ;)_

_If for whatever reason the info about the URL isn't working check out my profile page and it will take you where you need to me. _


	4. Chapter 4

_I'd like to take this moment to recognize the awesomeness of gypsy411 who has been beta'ing this story since chapter uno. She is amazing and super sweet and I seriously can't imagine anyone else helping me out with this story... however slow of a process it might be lol. _

_Yes, SM owns Twilight names but everything else in this story came from my head. _

* * *

**The Christmas Cabin**

**Chapter 4  
**_**Christmas 2003**_

"This is going to be so awesome!" Alice squeals as she adjusts her red trucker hat that matches her red and black top, which was a t-shirt she shredded and cut to create a mid-drift showing halter top. Earlier she had attempted to help me with my outfit but I wasn't having any of that. Alice was the only one who could pull off the black cargo pants with a studded belt she was currently wearing. She always looked like she stepped out of _Seventeen_ magazine.

The rest of the girls were also getting ready. Rosalie was rocking a blousy black tube top with small polka-dots, some very tight jeans and a white belt to match. She was currently finishing her look with a pair of silver chandelier earrings. Angela looked put together, as always, with a black mini skirt, a tube top that had a black bust and a floral patterned bottom with a cute black military styled jacket over it. Everyone looked so good for tonight's New Year's Eve party.

It was our last night here and Dad, along with all the other adults, decided they wanted to go to a swanky club in town and allow us kids to have some friends over for a New Year's Eve party. Grandma and Grandpa Cullen left for home a couple days ago leaving us unsupervised for our first party, or my first party. Carlisle, of course, threatened us with our lives that we were not allowed to have any alcohol and advised that if we so much as moved the beers in the fridge an inch he would let Dad throw us in a jail cell for the night and write us all up. When you have Carlisle, Michael, Uncle Mark, and my Dad the Chief of Police, staring you down you know they mean business.

"Alice, do you think I should wear the earrings or not?" Angela asks as she holds them up for Alice to see.

"I would wear your hoops instead, they would look better with that outfit," Alice said matter-of-factlt.

Angela simply nodded and grabbed the hoops and put them on.

It was strange. I had always been comfortable with my jeans and t-shirt but tonight suddenly felt different. I looked around at Rosalie, Alice, and Angela and what they were wearing and then looked back at my own clothing.

As I looked down at my jeans and American Eagle button up I thought about how I want to look different.

While I sat on my bed I began to fidget and twirl my hair, I didn't really want to ask Alice to help but she was probably the only one who could help. I'm sure Angela and Rosalie would be happy to but it was sort of Alice's thing.

"Bella? Are you okay?" Rosalie asks to me as she brushes some shimmer powder across her face and shoulders.

"Um, yeah," I say then shake my head, "actually, no. Alice?"

"Yeah," she says looking up from her mirror where she was now putting on lip gloss.

"Can you help?" I say.

She pauses for a moment, "help you with what Bells?"

"My outfit?" I say quietly.

Alice, Rosalie, and Angela all freeze at the same time, which makes me nervous, and I suddenly start to have word vomit.

"I just want to look different but nothing too much. Something that is still me but I don't know, not me? I just don't want to wear jeans and this shirt when you guys look so cute and I don't know how, and…" I say all in one breathe.

Alice closes her eyes and inhales deeply while Rosalie and Angela smile goofily at me.

"Yes, yes, I would love to help you with your outfit, hair, and make-up Bella." Alice says in an eerily calm voice before she begins to approach me slowly.

"Are you okay Alice?" I say to her while leaning away in hesitation and thinking that this may have been a bad idea.

"I am fine," she says again in that calm tone, "I am just savoring this moment that I have been waiting for, so long."

"Yeah, well you're creeping me out, feel free to turn back into the Alice that I know and love," I say.

It takes a moment and then the high-pitched squealing begins before she runs over to the closet and begins to rummage through her things.

"Much better," I tell her with a chuckle.

"Bella what made you change your mind? You know you look just as cute in your clothes, you should be comfortable," Rosalie says, always the protector.

"I know Rose, I just want to. I like my normal clothes for everyday but I want to feel and look special tonight. Does there have to be a reason?" I say with a shrug.

She smiles at me before giving me a hug, "Of course not sweetie. I just want you to not be afraid to be yourself and not try to be something you're not."

I return the smile, "I know. I don't know maybe I'm growing up?"

"Well, I can't wait to see what Alice puts together. I promise to keep her reeled in," Angela says stepping beside Rose.

"Thanks," I say with sincere appreciation.

"Okay!" Alice says as she bounces up to me with several top options. "Tell me what you would like to wear?"

"Isn't that why I asked you for help?" I say to her.

"Hmmm, let me rephrase, how would you like to feel in the outfit?" She says to me.

"Comfortable? Cute?" I say not knowing really what else to say.

She hums in agreement and begins to toss some of the outfits behind her on her bed eliminating them.

She begins to look at the options left and speak to herself in a whisper. I can't really hear or understand what it is she is saying.

"This top, definitely. It is cute, comfortable and different from what you normally wear but it isn't crazy," she says holding up a white cotton spaghetti strap top with a cupped bust and scalloped lace pattern at the end.

She was right; it was something different but not enough to scare me away. It looked like something a little more mature and pretty.

I smile at her, "I like it."

Her face brightens even more as she hands me the top and dives back into the closet. I turn away from the other girls and unbutton my shirt and slip on the new one. I fill out the top a little more because I have a little bit more bust than Alice but it still fits perfectly. I turn back around to find Alice once again holding several options.

"So how different are we talking?" Alice says cautiously.

"How different you got?" I say adjusting the straps a little.

"Before you knock it just try it on, for me, please?" she says holding up a blue jean mini skirt.

I'm taken a back a little and feel the urge to run from a skirt in general. Then I start to think that it would be a change, a big change considering the last time I wore a skirt was when I was ten and that was because it was Easter and Mom forced us to go to church. Since then it has pretty much been jeans and shorts for me.

"Okay," I say with a squeak and quickly put on the skirt.

Once I have the skirt on, I turn to face the girls and am met with three shocked faces.

"Okay it can't be that bad," I say while trying to cover myself with my arms.

"No! You look great Bella, I mean, you've always been beautiful but when did you get that figure?" Rosalie says as she walks slowly around me.

"Yeah, you got some sexy hips babe," Angela says approvingly which makes me feel good.

"So cute! Now we just need shoes!" Alice says as she heads back to the closet.

"Now Alice, there is one thing I won't budge on and that is heels because I will bre-"

I'm cut off by Alice who is holding up a pair of pink converse in front of my face.

"You will break your neck, yeah, I know. I'm not even that crazy to put you in heels," Alice says with a smirk.

I smile at the shoes and quickly put them on.

Angela and Rosalie are pulling out all of their make-up while Alice has gone to the connecting bathroom and brought out her curling iron.

"What time is it?" Angela asks.

"Only seven," Rose says as she brushes on a little more shimmer onto her chest and shoulders.

"What time are the parents going to be back?" Angela questions.

"I don't know, they said late, why?" Rosalie asks.

"Just wondering, because if Charlie sees Bella he is going to have a heart attack," Angela giggles.

I roll my eyes and sit down next to them and let them go to work on my face while Alice pulls my hair out of my ponytail and proceeds to brush it out.

"I feel like I'm at a spa or something," I say with a laugh.

"Yeah well don't get used to it, we'll teach you how to do this stuff so you can do it for yourself," Rose says.

"I don't think she needs a lot of make-up maybe just a little blush, some natural eye shadow, mascara and lip gloss," Angela says swiping a brush across my cheeks.

"Agreed," Alice says from behind me.

It seems like hours later but I look at the clock and it has only been thirty minutes when Angela and Rosalie make their final touches and Alice stands back and says, "Ta-da!"

I stand and go over to the mirror where I see a girl who looks like me but somehow doesn't. Her hair is curled and falling off her shoulders and has a touch of make-up but not enough to be overwhelming. This girl is pretty and smiling, and this girl is me.

I look at Alice who is looking rather smug right now and Angela and Rosalie are also looking pretty proud of their work.

"Thanks guys," I say as I look again at the mirror.

"You look great!" Angela says coming over to hug me.

"Yeah, she is a regular Cinderella, lets finish getting ready so we can go down stairs," Rosalie says with a smile and goes to the bathroom to check her hair.

"Someone is eager to get downstairs, may I ask why? Or perhaps I should ask for whom?" Alice says loudly toward the bathroom.

There is no answer except the towel that flies from the bathroom and lands on Alice who just giggles along with the rest of us.

I don't think I could have lied to the girls if they asked me directly if there was someone I wanted to look different for tonight. I tried to keep things vague because I don't think I was ready to share the details yet but I did want _him_ to see me differently tonight. Perhaps it wasn't just him, maybe it was me wanting to fit in with the girls and be different, but I felt something changing and I wanted to be brave tonight.

The sound of the doorbell brought me back to the room from my thoughts as Alice lets out another squeal and heads for the door.

"The others are here! Let's go!" Then she was out the door and heading downstairs.

Angela followed quickly behind leaving Rose and I in the room.

"So, are you going to tell me who the guy is?" Rose says to me still looking into the mirror refreshing her lip gloss.

"How do you always know?" I say to her in amazement.

She laughs and turns to me, "I didn't really but you just told me."

I roll my eyes and smile.

She sets down her lip gloss and comes to stand in front of me. "Hey, I know I'm only a couple years older but I do know some stuff. One thing I learned, that Mom taught me, is to never be something you're not for a guy. If he doesn't like you for you then he isn't worth your time."

"Yeah, I know," I say. "I really do want to be different, I can't tell you one hundred percent it isn't because of him but I can tell you most of it is for me. I just feel different and I want the outside to show it. Does that make sense?"

She smiles and nods, "Yeah, it does."

We smile at each other and she grabs my hand, "Come on lets go downstairs and show off a little."

I laugh and let her pull me out of the room and down the hallway to the stairs. We reach the top and begin our descent. I stumble just a little when I see him but catch myself without anyone noticing. He is standing there chatting with Mike, Eric, and Jessica who apparently all rode together.

I hear a whistle then Emmett's voice boom across the room, "Woo hoo, Bella! Looking good girl!"

I blush furiously as I step into the open living room area. Emmett is standing next to Jasper, Edward, and their friend Paul all of whom are now looking at me with a nod of approval, but my attention is drawn back to Jake who is now also looking at me, a small smile on his lips.

"Thanks Em," I say as he comes over to give me a hug.

"Our little Bella is growing up," he says wiping away a fake tear away as he tosses his arm over Rose's shoulders.

I blush again as Rose chuckles and slinks out of Emmett's arm who almost whimpers in protest. Rose grabs my hand and pulls me further into the living room. I look around and notice that Esme, Lori, and Aunt Patricia really outdid themselves with the decorations. I'm sure Alice and Angela had a big hand in it as well but everything looks great. There are several black and white streamers hanging from the mini disco ball that they had Carlisle and Michael hang from the ceiling fan. The lights from the disco ball dance across the two tables that are set up against the windows and are covered with custom drinks Esme whipped up, enough snacks to last us all night, not to mention all of the New Year's Eve party favors such as hats, crowns, noise makers, and confetti poppers. Music is already playing in the background but everyone is just chatting in little groups.

"You're being a little obvious," Rose whispers to me as we get a drink from the snack table.

"Really? How?" I say suddenly mortified.

"Well, for one, you keep staring at him like a hungry wolf," she chuckles nonchalantly.

"Oh, what do I do?" I ask dying for any type of help.

"Play a little hard to get, pay attention to others a little more tonight, and have very little interaction with him if at all possible," she says like a pro.

I stare at her in hesitation, "Ignore him? Wouldn't that have the opposite affect?"

Just then Emmett comes over and tries to slink his arm around her shoulders again.

"So what are we ladies discussing this evening?" Em asks casually.

Rosalie just looks at me with a smirk on her face then winks.

"Oh, just girl stuff, I'm gonna go chat with Jessica and see when Tanya and Kate will be here," she says then saunters off.

I notice that Em watches her leave, staring in places he really shouldn't be staring. I clear my throat to remind him that I'm standing beside him.

"Huh? Oh, hey Bells," Em says peeling his eyes from my cousin's bum.

"Hey Emmett," I say with a giggle.

"So what's with the new look?" He says taking a swig from his cup.

"Just trying something new is all, wanted to be different tonight," I say.

"What was wrong with the old you?" Edward asks coming to stand beside Emmett who is obviously still focused on Rosalie.

"Nothing, I just wanted to do something different. Why does everyone keep asking me that?" I reply suddenly irritated.

"Just not like you is all," Edward says.

"I'll catch you guys later," Emmett says before leaving Edward and I alone in uncomfortable silence.

We are silent for a few moments and I take a sip of my fancy New Year's Eve drink.

"I like it," Edward says suddenly breaking the silence.

"Like what?" I ask.

"I like this look on you, but I also like your other look," He says quietly.

I blush and force myself to look at him. His eyes are kind, as they have always been, and a beautiful green just like Esme's eyes. It's not as though I've never noticed how cute Edward is, he is probably one of the cutest boys I know but he is a year older than me and has never really paid much attention to us girls unless we were hanging out as a group or he was picking on me. Even then it was just fun and games. Now, he seems different. He seems more relaxed and confident.

"Thanks Edward," I reply.

"No problem," he says back.

Just then the doorbell sounds again and Alice rushes to the door throwing it open with excitement and laughing as Tanya and Kate rush in to greet her. Tanya and Kate are sisters whose mom uses Esme and Lori's services at least twice a year for any project around their house or at her office in Seattle. Over the years we all have somewhat become friends but they spend most of their time with Alice and Rosalie who are closer to their age. Tanya is 16 while Kate is a year younger, both beautiful and kicking puberty's ass. I suddenly feel a little insecure as they take off of their winter coats to reveal very shiny New Year's dresses and I'm sure their father would kill them if he saw them.

Rosalie, Angela, and Jessica join the other girls at the door and they begin to compliment each other on their outfits.

"I better go say hello," I say to Edward with a sigh.

As I begin to head that way Edward grabs my arm gently to stop me, "Hey, Bella, just remember that you look great and don't worry about them okay?"

I smile and nod before turning back to the girls and make my way over.

"Bella! Oh my goodness you look so cute!" Tanya exclaims throwing her arms around me and pulling me into a hug.

"Thanks Tanya, you look fantastic also!" I say joining in the complementing session.

"Aw, thanks sweetie," she says as Kate steps up to say hello as well.

"I see Alice worked her magic on you," Kate says giving me a brief hug and a smile.

"She is a magician that one," I say playfully winking at Alice.

"Well enough of the hellos, let's get this party started!" Rosalie says as she pushes us all into the living room while Jessica goes over to the sound system and turns up the volume.

Somehow Angela and I find our way over to where Eric, Mike, and Jacob are as the girls begin to dance around in the middle of the room. Emmett being Emmett, of course, jumps into the middle and begins to dance while Jasper and Edward stand to the side and laugh.

"So, Angela, are you ready for school to start up again?" Eric asks her over the music.

She shrugs her shoulders and says she could do with a couple more weeks of vacation. Mike quickly agrees mumbling about hating school and needing a few more months of vacation.

"What about you Bella? Ready to head back to Forks?" Jacob asks me.

His deep chestnut eyes have me frozen and that damn smirk is still on his face like he knows what he is doing to me.

My heart begins to pound at an unnecessary rate and my stomach is a mess. I concentrate and think about what Rosalie said and decide to take a page from her book.

"Not really, school is school." I say casually before smiling and saying I'm going to go refresh my drink.

I turn and walk toward the table adding a little sway to my hips. I feel like Rosalie Hale has taken over my body and I am suddenly empowered by a boost of confidence. I fill my cup up at the table and turn back towards the girls who are laughing and dancing. Rosalie is however looking directly at me with a big smile on her face. Apparently she saw the whole thing and is giving me a quick nod of approval. All I can do is smile.

I'm still standing there when Edward joins me at the snack table.

"Not much for dancing?" He asks as he loads up a plate of chips and salsa.

"Nope, too clumsy, I fear for others safety when I dance," I say.

Edward just laughs, "Yeah, I don't have the confidence Emmett does. Though, I don't think Emmett has a clue what he is doing or cares for that matter."

We both watch as Emmett attempts to do some techno arm movement but he really just looks like he is flaying about.

We snicker quietly together.

"Please promise me that you'll never let me dance that way," Edward says while trying to hide his continued laughter.

"I'll do my best but no promises," I say with a chuckle.

We continue to watch the others as Edward munches on his chips. I quickly snag one off his plate, dip it in the salsa, and pop it into my mouth.

He stops and looks at me.

"Did you just jack one of my chips?" He asks looking offended.

I roll my eyes, "Yeah, so?"

"How dare you," He says in a monotone voice and I'm almost convinced he is serious until he begins to crack a smile.

I smile and grab another chip.

"You're lucky we are standing close to the snack table," he states, piling some more chips onto his plate.

"Oh whatever," I say then suddenly realize Jake is standing right in front of me.

"Protecting the goods are we?" Jake questions as he reaches between Edward and I to grab a plate. Our faces are just inches apart and my breathing stops.

He pulls back a little and stands there with an empty plate. All I can do is stare.

"Um, mind if I grab some grub?" Jake asks with a chuckle.

"Oh yeah sure," I say quickly stepping towards Edward and out of Jakes way as he quickly fills up his plate. Once he is done he smiles at both of us, pops a cheese cube in his mouth and saunters off.

I sigh.

"Seriously?" I hear Edward say.

I turn to look at him and see him staring at me.

"What?" I say.

"Him? Really Bella?" Edward says with a look of irritation.

I know he and Emmett have always joked about beating up any guys that would come near any of us girls, in a brotherly way, but I never took him seriously.

"What's wrong with him?" I inquire, suddenly irritated myself.

Edward just shakes his head and takes a sip from his cup, "Nothing."

I'm really confused as to why he is so upset.

"I thought you and Emmett were kidding about that whole protection thing from guys, I didn't know you would take it that seriously," I say with a chuckle.

Edward just sighs and turns to me a serious look on his face, "I'm not your brother and I'm not your protector Bella. You can crush on whoever you like."

My brows furrow, "Then what is your issue with Jacob. He's always been nice."

Edward just stares at me, which makes me uncomfortable. He doesn't respond, instead he simply shakes his head and heads over to where Mike and Jasper are.

I just look on after him utterly confused.

What did I do wrong? I think to myself.

"Attention! Attention, please!" Tanya says standing up on the coffee table that had been pushed to the side of the room.

"Alice grab the music will ya?" Tanya continues as she sways and laughs.

Alice quickly walks over to the stereo and turns down the music to where it is just soft beats in the background.

"All right, now everyone grab a seat on the floor it is time to make things interesting!" Tanya says as she hops off the table and begins to direct us all to sit on the floor in a large circle.

I quickly go to sit between Angela and Rose.

"What is going on?" I ask Rose who is laughing about something Kate has just said.

"Oh just a little fun and games Bella, relax," Rose says turning back to Kate.

"These games always make me so nervous," Angela whispers in my ear.

"What games?" I whisper back.

"You know _Truth or Dare_? Stuff like that," she explains.

My throat suddenly feels very dry and my palms are a little sweatier than what is considered normal.

"Shit, I don't want to do this," I say just as Tanya is quieting everyone down.

"Okay, the name of this classic game is called Truth or Dare," Tanya announces as everyone either groans with distaste or whoops with delight.

I'm fully aware that Jake is sitting across from me joking around with his buddy Paul completely carefree and unfazed by everything. I, on the other hand, am completely freaking out because I've heard horror stories of this so-called game and have successfully avoided it up until now. I almost think of making a run for the door but think better of it because of what everyone may think. Therefore I remain planted in my spot and say a quick prayer for God to have mercy and forgive me of anything that may happen during this time.

"All right Tanya, what are the rules?" Paul says.

"Rules? I say anything goes," she replies with a wicked smile.

"Come on now Tanya, play nice. We have some newbies to the game who we don't want to totally traumatize." Rose says with a smile.

Tanya suddenly pouts.

"Fine, you're no fun." She says but quickly recovers," Rule #1 no nudity."

Most of the guys boo and protest except Jasper and Edward who just shake their heads in laughter.

I let out a sigh of relief because I really didn't want to see anyone's business or let anyone see mine, especially before I even have my first kiss.

"Rule #2 nothing that will seriously hurt or injure anyone," Alice pipes up quickly. "If someone gets hurt then we're all dead and the parents will never let us have a party again."

"Agreed, that would really suck," Kate seconds.

"Okay, Rule #2 nothing that will seriously hurt anyone," Tanya says with finality.

"Rule #3, nothing below the belt," Tanya says with some reluctance.

Some more groans from the guys especially Emmett who pretends to get up and leave.

"Everything else? I say use your imagination," Tanya says.

"So who is going to start us off?" Mike says rubbing his hands together.

"Well Mike, since you asked, why don't you pick someone and go for it," Rose offers.

Mike just smirks and begins to stare down everyone in the circle. I avoid his gaze and begin to pray like I've never prayed before.

"Jessica," he says finally.

I say a quick thank you to the heavens.

"Bring it on, Mikey," she giggles.

He cracks his knuckles.

"Truth or dare," he challenges.

Jessica leans back on her hands staring him down, "truth."

Mike smiles as if she has just fallen into one of his traps.

"Who has the biggest balls you've ever seen?" Mike asks while wagging his eyebrows.

An echo of "ew's" and groans of disgust fill the room.

Jessica smirks and sits up straight as if to face the challenge. Then just pauses and seems to be thinking.

"Dang, she must have seen quite a few," Eric mock whispers.

Jessica just rolls her eyes and replies, "my mom."

Suddenly the room gets quiet except for Emmett who has fallen over in laughter.

"Huh? What kind of answer is that?" Mike says with annoyance.

"You asked 'who has the biggest _balls_ that I've ever seen' and the biggest balls I've ever seen belong to my mother. They currently reside in her yoga work-out studio. Her clients use them every day," she says with a straight face and smug smile.

Everyone laughs while Eric and Emmett playfully tease Mike for getting owned by a girl.

"Very nice twist Jessica, I'm impressed," Tanya says nodding in approval.

Jessica simply shrugs and announces it's her turn to pick someone.

Around the room once again and her gaze falls on none-other than Edward.

"Edward, you're being so quiet over there. How about we bring you out of your shell a little?" She says with an evil gleam in her eye.

I notice that she quickly looks over at Kate and because everyone else is watching Jessica and Edward I seem to be the only one who notices the nod Kate gives Jessica.

"Truth or Dare?" Jessica says.

Edward strokes his chin as if he is deep in thought before saying "Dare."

"I dare you to give our sweet Katie over here a kiss," she says all at once very pleased with herself.

Kate pretends to be shocked by the dare and looks as though she is blushing. I look back to Edward who is now smiling like an idiot and pulling at his hair with his right hand like he always does when he is nervous. I suddenly feel like my heart is going to pound out of my chest and I swear the butterflies in my stomach have turned into bats that are trying to escape. Jasper whispers something to him and gives him a shove towards Kate.

All the girls are giggling as he slowly makes his way over on his hands and knees while the guys are cheering him on.

"Oh gosh, this is so embarrassing," Angela says burying her head in my shoulder.

I try to laugh it off but I can't take my eyes off of Edwards's lips, which seem to just keep getting closer and closer to Kate's until suddenly they are touching.

I can't explain or understand my reaction to their kiss but my chest aches as I watch her greedily cup his face in her hands and pull him closer gaining even louder cheers from their audience. A part of me wants to go over there and hit her but the rest of me just feels hurt. I quickly look away and down at my hands that are twisting together in my lap. This feeling that I am having isn't making any sense to me because Edward has always been just a friend, just the son of one of my Mom's oldest and dearest friends, just the boy who I always see for big family functions, sometimes Thanksgiving, and the majority of my Christmases since I was born. We know too much about each other and that is probably what this feeling was from.

Crap, who am I kidding, I think to myself.

I think I was developing a thing for Edward and that was really bad and really dangerous.

When I look up again Edward is back in his place and looking around the circle seeking the next victim. He briefly looks at me, his brows furrow and unfurrow, and as if inspiration had struck he then turned to Jake. My blood ran cold because I knew what he was going to do and the mushy feeling I just had turned into pure anger. If looks could kill I'm sure Edward would have a hole burning into his head.

"Jake, buddy, you're up," Edward says as Jake sits up straight.

Jake laughs and says "dare" before Edward has the chance to offer him truth.

Edward steals a quick glance at me before telling Jake to kiss the girl he had wanted to kiss all night.

I freeze and my eyes fall to the floor.

This isn't how I wanted my first kiss, I think as Jake makes his way across the circle, everyone cheering once again.

I really like Jake, he is cute, and has always been nice to me but do I really want to be kissed in front of everyone because of a dare? I ask myself.

Jake seems so close and I look up to meet his gaze but find that he isn't looking at me at all. I realize that he is looking at Rose a second too late as he leans in and kisses her with far more passion than Edward kissed Kate. They are not even a foot away from me and all I can do is stare at the two of them kissing with their eyes closed.

Soon they break apart and Jacob goes back to his place laughing and asking who is up to bat next.

My eyes fall once again to my hands in my lap then up at Emmett who is no longer cheering but staring at Rosalie. I look over at Rose and it is obvious she is trying to play it off and not look at Em in return.

I really hate this game.

"I dare you to go streaking down the driveway to the curve and back," I hear Jacobs voice say to Eric who has his face buried in his hands.

"Hey we said no nudity," Alice shouts.

"Yeah, I actually like my balls where they are and not frozen on the ground, it's below freezing out there and snowing!" Eric argues to Jacob who only calls him chicken in return.

Tanya holds up her hands, "Show of hands. Does everyone allow Eric to wear boxers and his shoes during this dare?"

Everyone laughs as they all raise their hands including Emmett who has now put on his game face. He isn't as cheerful as before but trying to mask whatever else he was feeling earlier.

"I hate you guys so much," Eric says standing and heading for the door leaving his shirt in his wake.

Everyone quickly gets up, laughing and cheering him on as he begins to shed everything. I slowly stand where I am and watch as he goes out the front door with everyone in tow. Through the windows I can see that he is now running down the dark driveway in nothing but his boxers and boots.

I realize I have a chance to slip out of the living room unnoticed while everyone is outside. I turn to leave but walk straight into Edward, who I didn't realize was standing directly behind me. I look up to meet his eyes and see nothing but pity. I can tell he is about to say something but don't give him the chance.

"I'm fine," I say as I brush past him and head down the back hallway. I open the sliding door and step into the sunroom that is just off the side of the house and close the door behind me. In the day time you can see the whole lake just outside of the large bay windows. Most of our mornings are spent out here with the parents sitting in the lounge area while the rest of us munch on cereal in the breakfast nook.

The heaters have been turned off for the night so the room is pretty chilly but it's still warmer than it is outside. The room is lit only by the night sky and the lights from inside that are bleeding through the windows. I go over to one of the loungers that has one of Grandma Cullen's old quilts to have a seat and wrap the quilt around me.

I remember when Grandpa Cullen, Carlisle, Michael, Uncle Mark, and Dad built the sunroom together one summer. Mom had to keep me from getting into Dad's tools because I thought I could help but ended up just getting in the way. I didn't understand why Edward and Emmett could help while I had to stay inside with Mom.

I take a deep breath of the familiar wood scent that forever lingers out here. Grandpa Cullen had planned on painting it but Grandma Cullen refused to let him saying that the wood was beautiful the way it was.

"I'm sorry," I hear Edward say from behind me.

I jump a little because I didn't realize he had followed me out here.

I sigh and am about to tell him it's no big deal when he suddenly comes over and sits in the cushioned lounger beside me.

"I honestly thought he was going to kiss you," Edward tried to explain.

"Really, Edward, it's not that big of a deal," I say but he just shakes his head.

"I thought when you said you liked him earlier that that meant he liked you also," Edward continues.

"Well, obviously he doesn't," I say in a huff the sting of pain still lingering.

He is quiet for a moment as I lean back to look out up at the stars. The moon is pretty full tonight and the stars seem to be extra bright.

"I'm sorry," he says again.

I laugh, "Edward please stop saying you're sorry. In all honesty I'm glad he didn't kiss me because I really didn't want my first kiss to be because of a stupid game with everyone staring at me."

I didn't realize it until that moment but despite the pain of Jacob choosing Rosalie to kiss instead of me I was actually feeling relief that he didn't.

"What?" Edward asks.

I turn my head to look at him, "What do you mean what?"

"You've never been kissed?" He says with astonishment.

This only makes me laugh again, "I'm only fourteen Edward of course I haven't been kissed."

He just stares at me.

Again, with the staring, I think.

"Alice didn't get her first kiss until she was fourteen and that was just a year ago," I say trying to point out that my situation was normal.

"No, I'm not saying it's a bad thing, I just thought it might have already happened for you," He says.

"Well, I rarely go to parties like this where there are opportunities and I'm usually hanging out with some of my girlfriends from school and Dad says I can't date until I'm sixteen anyway," I reply with a shrug.

"Huh," is all he says as he leans back on his lounger looking up at the stars.

I look at him for a moment longer before turning my attention back to the sky. Silence falls as we just sit there and watch the sky. I do my best not to look back over at him or think about my discovery from earlier but I fail miserably.

"Do you remember that last Christmas with your Mom?" He says breaking the silence.

It had been a long time since I had thought about that Christmas. It really was a perfect time. I close my eyes and let the memories wash over me. I can see her smile and her head tossed back as she laughed.

"Yes," I say my voice cracking just a little.

"Do you remember that night she took us out into the snow?" He asks and I can tell he is smiling.

I turn to face him with a smile.

"Yes."

He turns to look at me, "That was a perfect night."

All I can do is nod.

We stare at each other sharing that secret memory that only we have. I remember how the morning after Mom had taken us out we acted as if nothing had happened at all. I never told anyone about it. It was our special secret that we kept from everyone else, only acknowledging that it had happened with shared smiles.

"I never told anyone, not even my Mom, even after," Edward tells me.

Again, I can only respond by nodding.

After a moment I am able swallow away the tightness in my throat.

"I think about that night every time it snows," I say to him.

He just smiles, "Me too."

Then he does something I didn't expect him to do. He takes my hand in his and just holds it by his side as he turns and looks back towards the sky. I smile at our hands; our fingers tangled together and follow his gaze back to the stars.

We sit there like that for I don't know how long. I begin to wonder if anyone has noticed that we are missing when I hear the sliding door open and Edward quickly drops my hand.

My heart sinks a little and I turn to see Rosalie standing at the doorway.

"Oh hey, I was wondering where you were," she says looking at me and then at Edward.

"You two are such loners, come back inside and hang out. The countdown is in ten," she tells us before going back inside like she hadn't interrupted anything.

I feel as though I should be mad at her but did she realize it was Jake I had a crush on, or that he would choose her to kiss instead of me, or that she had just interrupted a very exciting hand holding session just now.

"I guess we should go back in and stop being loners," Edward says to me as he stands up then offers a hand to help me up.

I take his hand and let him help me up as I shrug off the quilt and leave it in the lounger. I think he is going to let go of my hand but instead he pulls me closer to him.

"Before we go inside I- uh- want to do something. It is really selfish on my part but I just can't stand the thought of any guy getting your first kiss," he says all in one breath before taking a step closer and closing the distance between us.

Before I can even comprehend what he just said his lips are on mine. All I can think is, "holy crap he is kissing me."

Fortunately my brain catches up and tells my body to put my hands somewhere; I don't have a clue where to put them so I rest them on his shoulders as his hands find my waist.

His lips are soft, slightly chapped from the cold weather, but gentle all the same. I realize I still have my eyes open and quickly shut them because I should be savoring this moment. He pulls me closer to him, our chests touching. I feel the need to stand on my tip toes a little because he is taller but he seems to be doing just fine. I think I am also, until he slowly opens his mouth just a little. My mind is trying to process everything but my body seems to adjust on its own and mimics his actions. With a little more open mouth kissing he brushes the tip of his tongue gently across my bottom lip. At first it feels awkward but with my eyes tightly closed I follow his moves as my tongue meets his. He responds by pulling me even closer to him and then cupping my face with one hand and I tighten my grip on his shoulders.

So this is what it's like, I think to myself hardly believing that Edward Cullen, the boy who has always picked on me and who I always thought considered me more of a sister than a girl, is kissing me.

We stand there in the sunroom for a little longer, the moon smiling down on us through the glass roof.

Then just as quickly as it had started he's pulling back just enough to give me a few more soft kisses with a closed mouth, my own lips mirroring his. I stand there with my eyes still closed as he pulls away.

I'm pretty sure this is what being high feels like, I think to myself.

I open my eyes to find him still standing in front of me with a Cheshire cat smile spreading across his face. I feel like a dope as I smile in return.

We stare at each other a moment longer before he takes my hand and pulls me towards the door. We both hurry inside just in time to hear everyone beginning the count down. We sneak behind everyone who has surrounded the TV, which features the glittering New Year's Eve ball falling to another New Year.

"TWELVE! ELEVEN!" Everyone cheers.

I catch Rose looking in this direction her eye brows raise as she nods towards the hand that is holding mine.

I give her a shrug suggesting I will tell her later. She winks in return and continues the countdown with everyone.

"SEVEN! SIX! FIVE!" I cry out joining along in the excitement.

Out of the corner of my eye I see Kate heading this direction with her eyes trained on Edward. She looks determined. I steal a glance at Edward who is completely focused on the TV and shouting the countdown loudly with everyone else. He hasn't noticed her yet.

"TWO! ONE! HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

The room erupts into sounds of loud noise makers and cheers as Kate grabs Edwards's shoulders spinning him to face her, and he simultaneously lets go of my hand. She grabs his face and crushes his lips to hers. All I can do is stare as she pulls him closer placing her arms in a death grip around his neck. I can only see his back and his arms hanging at his sides. Then his hands move to her waist causing my insides to feel like they're being crushed.

I have to look away and am greeted by Angela, Eric, Mike, and Paul who are all trying to sing a very butchered version of _Auld Lang Syne_. Angela smiles at me as I try to make my way past them but everyone is crowded together closely. I squeeze by a heavy make-out session going on between Emmett and Tanya then past Jasper and Ali who have their arms thrown around each other attempting to sing with the others across the room. Finally I break free only to bump into Jacob who is currently playing tonsil hockey with Rose. I don't even interrupt them as I sneak out of the room and up the stairs keeping an eye on everyone hoping they don't see me. I'm relieved when I make it to the room unseen and close the door behind me before leaning my back against it.

Then I realize I am crying.

Disgusted with myself I quickly begin to wipe away my tears as I walk over to the wooden vanity next to Alice's bed. Grabbing a couple of tissues I look up to see a raccoon-eyed girl that isn't me anymore. All I want to do is get all of this stuff off so I turn and go straight into the bathroom. Closing the door behind me I begin stripping everything off. I turn the shower on and step in before the water is warm, not really caring. I grab my washcloth that hangs next to the other girls and begin to scrub my face until it hurts. I know I'm being overly dramatic and silly but I begin to sob and sink to the tiled floor letting the water flow over my head and down my face.

I feel really stupid for ever thinking I could compete with someone like Rose or Kate. I'm not blonde; I'm not pretty like they are. Sure, I have hips, like Angela had said earlier but I'm lacking in the boob area and am currently stuck in an A cup while all the girls around me blossom into much bigger sizes. I thought I was silly for having feelings for Jacob earlier but now I just feel pathetic after Edward kissed Kate. Twice, I might add. Maybe if I was blonde, blue-eyed, and had the curves a woman should have I would be noticed by the guys but I'm just Bella with my brown stringy hair, plain brown eyes, and baby face.

I squeeze my knees closer to my chest willing myself to calm down and stop crying.

Once I have composed myself I stand and finish my shower then step out into the cold bathroom to grab a towel. I wrap my hair up and wrap the towel around my body then I collect the clothes Alice had loaned me and folded them into a neat pile. I leave the bathroom to go back into the room and am thankful I am still alone.

Knowing I am not going back downstairs tonight I put on my pajamas and go back into the bathroom to dry my hair. Once I'm done I turn off the lights, crawl into bed, and hope I can fall asleep putting an end this horrible night.

I guess the night wasn't completely horrible, I think as I remember my kiss with Edward. However, then I'm reminded of Kate and the way she grabbed him and squeeze my eyes shut as I try to erase the image from my mind.

It takes a long time but I finally begin to drift off to sleep.

"Bella," I hear someone whisper, pulling me out of my near slumber.

I groan and open my eyes. Only the bathroom light is on and I can see the silhouette of Rose sitting cross legged on my bed. I sit up and find that we are alone.

"Why are you asleep already? Everyone is still up?" She asks.

"I felt like going to bed is all," I say in a not so nice voice as I slouch against the headboard.

Again, I am fully aware of my cattiness but I can't seem to help it.

"Sorry," Rose says as she continues to sit there.

I'm very annoyed with her and wish she would go away.

"Can I help you with something?" I ask.

Rose sighs.

"I think I messed up," she says lowering her eyes to her lap.

Her voice softens my mood immediately because it is barely audible like she is trying to hold back tears. This is very un-Rose-like.

I sit up and lean forward, "Is everything okay? What happened?"

Rose sniffs and looks up at me, "I really wanted to kiss Emmett tonight but then Jacob shows up and was flirting and I was flirting back and I think I pushed Emmett away. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner but I really do like him, more than any of those other boys I went out on dates with. I just didn't know how to tell you or Alice and Angela."

I'm a little taken a back and don't know how to respond.

"I wasn't expecting for Jake to kiss me during Truth or Dare. Honestly I thought he was going to kiss you because he kept looking at you all night but then he kissed me and I thought it was a good opportunity to make Emmett jealous. That totally backfired because now he is making out with Tanya," she says with a scoff.

She sniffs again and wipes away a couple of tears.

"Stupid, huh?" She says.

I shake my head knowing exactly how she feels.

"No, not stupid," I tell her as I rub her shoulder.

She just smiles and lets a couple more tears roll down her cheek.

"I don't want to go back downstairs; can I stay up here with you?" She asks meekly.

I smile.

"Of course," I say as I pull back the covers of the twin bed and climb out.

"Where are you going?" she laughs.

"Oh, like we can actually share that tiny bed, yeah right." I chuckle as I begin to move the small bedside table that separates our beds.

It takes me a couple minutes as Rose helps me unplug the lamps and stuff and then move it to the other side of her bed. We both laugh as we try to quietly shove her bed up against mine. Once they are completely touching I crawl across her bed and into mine while Rose changes into one of her old baggy t-shirts. Soon we are side by side and facing each other laughing about Alice and Angela and whether or not they would notice before the morning.

"So what was with the hand holding going on between you and Edward?" She says in a whisper.

I think for a moment that I'm not going to tell her about the kiss but think better of it.

"He kissed me," I say quickly waiting for her response.

Her face lights up and begins to laugh, "I knew it! I knew he had a thing for you!"

I blush furiously.

"But wait," Rose says, her smile suddenly leaving her face. "He was kissing Kate at midnight. He wasn't kissing you."

I'm a terrible liar and even more terrible at hiding my emotions.

"He kissed me after you came outside to get us," I explain. "Then when we went inside she just came over attacked his mouth."

She is silent for a moment.

"That little bitch," Rose says sitting up and coming back to life.

"No, Rose. It's not a big deal, really. He didn't stop her, I guess he wanted to kiss her," I say with a shrug.

"No, Bella, that is not okay. Especially after he had just kissed you! And I bet that was your first kiss too!" She says, her voice getting a little louder.

"Shhh, please Rose," I plead because I know if I don't she will go downstairs and give him a piece of her mind and I just can't handle that.

"I can't believe that little shit," she says as she lies back down with a huff.

"Yeah, well," I state not knowing what else to say.

"So do you like him?" Rose asks.

I think for a moment, it's not like I don't already know the answer because I do like him. It just never crossed my mind before that he would actually like me that way. I never thought about it until tonight.

All I can do is nod.

"How long have you liked him?" She says.

"I don't know actually. It never crossed my mind until tonight. I always thought he simply saw me as a friend so I never had to think about it but then he said he wanted to be my first kiss and he kissed me and everything just," I trail off.

"I think it has been obvious for a while, at least to me it has, that he likes you," she says with a smirk.

"Really?"

She nods.

"Then why did he kiss Kate?" I ask challenging her.

She pauses for a moment to think, "You know, he never kissed Kate. It seemed like tonight Kate was the one who was going after him. She had Jessica have him kiss her during the game and then like you said she attacked his face at midnight."

She laughs at the thought and I can't help but laugh along with her.

"But what about you Rose?" I ask.

"What about me?" She says while knowing full well what I am talking about.

I give her a pointed look, "Emmett?"

Her face falls a little.

"I think I've had a thing for Emmett for a very long time now, and I thought he had a thing for me too but I screwed all that up tonight by making out with Jacob," she says rolling over onto her back.

"I think he likes you too," I say.

She looks over at me. "Really?"

I nod. "Yeah, I didn't realize it until now but he was pretty much following you around like a puppy all night."

We both giggle.

"It will work out, Tanya or no Tanya," I say trying my best to comfort her.

She just smiles and grabs my hand.

"I think it will work out for you too," she says as she closes her eyes.

I smile and give her hand a squeeze not letting it go.

"Love you Rose," I say as I close my eyes.

"Love you too Bella," she says then everything falls quiet and I begin to drift once more.

Morning comes too soon and I feel someone shaking me awake.

"Bells, time to get up. We got to get on the road," I hear Dad say.

I'm not sure if the other girls are up or not but I know Dad always wants to get an early start so that we make it home in plenty of time before the sun goes down.

I groan, "five more minutes?"

"It will be better if you get up now kid. You'll hate me more in five minutes," Dad laughs.

I groan and then sit up with my eyes still closed.

"Did you have fun last night?" Dad asks brushing some of my hair out of my face. I know it is a ratty mess.

I nod with my eyes still closed.

He just chuckles and tells me we are heading out in an hour before leaving the room.

I'm tempted to lay back down and try to get some more sleep but I know he is right and I'll hate him even more in ten minutes when he'll come back and check on me.

I open my eyes and see that the girls are still sleeping because they have sane parents that will actually let them sleep in on New Year's Day.

I climb out of bed and find the clothes I had laid out yesterday for today's trip then start to gather up all my already packed bags. It takes about thirty minutes and one check-in from Dad before I am heading downstairs feeling like a pack mule.

Uncle Mark and Aunt Patricia seem to be the only ones up as I enter the kitchen area. Aunt Patricia greets me with a kiss and a hot cup of coffee.

"I love you," I say softly as I take the coffee from her.

Aunt Patricia laughs but quickly covers her mouth trying not to disturb the sleeping bodies in the living room.

All of the people we had invited crashed in the living room last night and are now covering every couch, chair, and floor space. It is up to Lori and Esme to make sure everyone gets home okay and the majority of them will be following Carlisle and Esme home.

"Looks like you kids had some fun last night," she says wagging her eye-brows at me.

I roll my eyes and look at Dad who has his eye-brows raised.

"Don't worry, Dad, not too much fun," I say with a smile.

He gives me an "mmhmmm" before grabbing our bags and heading out the side door towards the car.

As soon as he steps out the door Aunt Patricia turns to me, "so did you kiss anyone?"

I blush and look over at Uncle Mark who is blissfully occupied with his newspaper. I pull Aunt Patricia closer into the kitchen and make sure no one else is around before nodding my head. This leads to a silent happy dance from my Aunt, which includes jumping up and down and pumping her arms in the air as I try to contain my laughter.

"Tell me, who was it?" she says anxiously grabbing my hands.

I'm hesitant to tell her so I make her promise not to tell or say anything before I tell her it was Edward and he actually kissed me before the countdown out on the sunroom.

"Oh, such a romantic," she says pretending to swoon.

I laugh again as Dad comes back into the house to grab the rest of our bags. Aunt Patricia and I stop talking and he gives us a suspicious look before heading back outside. I look over at Uncle Mark who has a small smile on his face. I know that he heard us but he won't say anything.

"It was really nice and he was really sweet," I whisper.

Well, until he ended up swapping spit with Kate, I think to myself.

"Aw, my little Bellabug is growing up," Aunt Patricia says pulling me into a hug.

I laugh and hug her back while trying not to spill my coffee on her.

"You know, your Mom always liked Edward," she tells me wagging her eye-brows.

I just smile at her as Dad rejoins us once again.

"All set kiddo, I'll finish off my own coffee then let's get on the road," he said topping off his coffee cup and joining Uncle Mark at the breakfast nook.

"I'll make sure Mark doesn't say anything," Aunt Patricia whispers giving me a wink before joining them at the table.

I smile and think about last night again. Aside from the Kate debacle it really was a nice night.

I quietly peer over the kitchen bar and into the living room where I see Kate crashed out on the smaller of the two couches. Her hair is a mess, her makeup is smudged all over, and there is a small river of drool coming from her mouth. I don't know why but this makes me feel better.

Once Dad is done with his coffee we say our goodbyes to Uncle Mark and Aunt Patricia.

"Congratulations on the kiss," Uncle Mark whispers in my ear as he hugs me.

I blush and smile back at him.

Uncle Mark has always been cool like that. Mind you, if it was something bad he would rat me out to Dad because he is a Dad himself. But with stuff like this we have an understanding that Dad doesn't need any more gray hairs than what he already has.

"Love you both, be safe," Aunt Patricia says standing next to Uncle Mark out on the driveway as Dad and I climb into the car.

We give them both a wave as Dad backs out and makes his way down the long drive way and onto the high way that will lead us home.

"So how was your night Dad?" I inquire with a laugh because I know he usually doesn't like to go out and party but makes an exception on special occasions such as last night.

To my surprise Dad blushes.

"Oh ya know, the usual," he says staying focused on the road.

His answer and reaction for some reason makes me uneasy so I let it drop.

I hear a ding from my Nokia phone and pull it out of my messenger bag.

_**I'm sorry.**_

It's a text from Edward.

I can either respond or ignore it, I think to myself.

Not knowing how to respond, I decide to ignore it and stuff the phone back in my bag.

I don't hear from him again all the way home.

* * *

_I actually wanted to say thank you to all who are reading this story and to those who have left reviews. It makes it easier to actually write when I know there are people out there enjoying the story. I also wanted to apologize for the slow process of writing each chapter but my main priority right now is finding a post-college career and I am always writing on this story everyday, whether it be a sentence or five pages. Sorry to make you wait longer than what normal FF authors do. _

_Thank you again for reading and your kind words. It truly means a lot. _

_I'd love to continue to hear your thoughts on each chapter so feel free to leave a review!_


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